My family, my life

My family is as unique as they come, that I am convinced. They aren’t any more or less unique than any other family, but they are definitely special in their own ways. That I can guarantee. I think though you need to see if for yourself to believe it. Their uniqueness and quirks are something that I have always known and hold dear to my heart, as I believe it is the interactions and experiences they have shared with me that have led to me be who I am today, for better or for worse.
As I have stated previously, this class seems to follow me. What seems to occur in other areas of my life and classes is in scary relation to what I write in these blogs. I am currently enrolled in Dr. Truchil’s Sociological Imagination class. We were assigned to complete a “Family Portrait Survey” in which I had to ask my parents a series of questions and then construct a sociological portrait of my family, then analyze how my family has been influenced by larger social forces and how it in turn shapes society. What I basically did was sit down with my dad and discussed how he grew up and his family with him. Then I did so with my mom (my dad sat in on that) and then I asked them both the same questions in relation to our little immediate family of four.
What this basically did was cause us to sit down together and discuss things that we have always discussed in tidbits and in passing. We had a very intellectual and in-depth discussion on our family at large currently, in the past and even at what could potentially happen in the future. I know my family very well, especially my parents. They have always been extremely communication oriented with both my sister and I. I never realized the reason for that was because, for the both of them, they had limited communication between their parents and themselves, and for my dad, he barely spoke to his family at all.
The way the questions were worded caused a more blunt and frankly, grown-up conversation with them than I have ever experienced. I asked a question, they answered. It was simple, to the point and truthful. The conversation provoked my own set of questions and allowed us to converse about things that aren’t exactly normal day-to-day topics that are discussed. For example, how events in history affected the family; who decided punishments growing up; who the outcasts are and how that is demonstrated, and even what is expected of males and females when they become married. Like I said, it was extremely interesting and I took that opportunity to absorb everything like a little sponge.
For some reason, all the things they were telling me, although I had heard a lot of it before made so much more sense than it ever had. Maybe it is the fact that I really am starting to grow up, something that I have avoided for a very long time and realized it can’t be stopped. When they talked about leaving the house getting married at eighteen I just got it. The struggles, the financial trials, and the hard work they had to do was based around working together. Neither of them communicated with their families about how big financial decisions were decided. Growing up they were basically clueless about most of the things their parents did and discussed, all of which was done behind closed doors. They learned to do things and became adult’s together; a thought that still astounds me. My communicating all of their experiences with my sister and I ever since we could listen (not even necessarily speak), they have told us, discussed with us and included us in a lot of the family decisions and activities.
It is for this that I am so grateful and I know I have a heads up and an advantage. I feel like they made mistakes and choices, and told me, so that I wouldn’t have to and don’t. That’s why they have pushed me to do my very best, because they want the very best for me. They don’t want my sister and I to struggle the way they have, and sometimes they are able to “say” this without even saying those words. Like I stated, they are amazing human beings and I am so grateful and lucky to have them as parents. For the sheer experiences they have had I think that they have what Cuber and Haroff call a “vital marriage.” They have their own struggles, no doubt but they are 44 and 46 years old and have been together for almost 30 years. If that’s not vital love, I don’t know what is.
There was however a scenario in which best explains my family unit, our methods of communication with one another and the dynamics within our relationships with one another. Thanksgiving was a beautiful day, so my mom was keen on the idea of sitting on the deck and enjoying the scenery and sun with us. So eventually, we all went out there. While outside we just were talking about things. There is a lot going on in my family and there have been a lot of recent tragedies.
For me, my best friend just found out that her boyfriend (and basically fiancé’- they were soul mates, of that I am sure) died suddenly of heart failure. She was flying, on Thanksgiving to go to Germany to go to his funeral. For my mom, my PopPop was taking homeless teen parents to a theme park (sponsored by the community) in South Florida to a place called Boomers. It’s something he has done since my Grammy passed away for the past few years. He just found out his best “girl”-friend was dying from stage four cancer, same as my Grammy. So when I said aloud “I wonder how Sophia is?” it started a discussion about her and my PopPop and family and the holidays.
Now my sister is blunt. Very blunt, she says what she means and means what she says, and speaks without second guessing anything. So she started basically badmouthing this woman that is very near to my PopPop’s heart. From her perspective my Grammy is number one and she couldn’t care less about this woman. From my mom’s perspective, she cares for her father and thus this woman because he is so close with her. The two of them started to argue. My mom was very cold to my sister once she spoke up and then began to cry.
My sister then gets aggravated because she didn’t want to offend my mom and there she was crying and my sister just was expressing her inner sadness I believe for the loss of my Grammy. Then my dad, who didn’t say a word throughout the whole thing starts yelling at my sister for upsetting my mom and there I am saying “Er, come-on just could you be quite” and “Dad please relax” and “Mom don’t cry, its ok we’ll call PopPop later.” Meanwhile my mom’s made a statement along the lines toward my sister, something like “couldn’t you just have some compassion if not for me but for PopPop, whose best friend is dying” and then on the inside I’m a disaster and just want to be there for Sophia, my mom, my PopPop, my sister and my dad. It was then that we all got silent and then decided it got cold, went inside and dispersed for a little while to calm down.
In that case, the words that were used were not necessarily the feelings that were felt. None of them were meant to be malicious but were just said without real consideration for what was going on with the other people at the table. On my sisters’ part there was definitely selective hearing and a self-serving bias going on, by not adapting to audience and no longer being an innocent child- we all thought that my sister should know better and should have just held her tone, for once. Or at the very least realized my mom wasn’t looking for a reply when she expressed concern for my PopPop, just the opportunity to speak. In that way, I think my sister may have more of the male-oriented communication style. After 20 years of marriage, my dad knew not to speak, until he came to the “aid” of my mom. But of course, my mom has to scold him for yelling at my sister. This is a great example of our typical confrontations.
Everyone seemed to be under the assumption that because we were of the same speech community we would understand where each other was coming from. There were multiple desires and inner noise going on for all of us. Needless to say the nonverbal cues were all there. The tone of voice, my sisters being too matter of fact then got offensive once my mom reacted. The glare that my mom gave my sister and then put sunglasses over her eyes once the tears began to fall. My tone of voice trying to prevent war from breaking out and from not cracking myself, my dad’s sheer aggravation and dissatisfaction with what was happening on the holiday was quite evident. So then we went inside, calmed down, and continued with the day. A slight bump in the road, but all my family does is communicate with one another, so it was really nothing to them. Our language and “relationship rules” of speaking to one another sometimes feels limitless.
Since I have been in school, I have not had the opportunity to converse with the rest of my family at large; in fact I have, for some reason missed every single family function for the past two years. Even this past Thanksgiving consisted of only the four of us.Therefore, that is why this blog consisted of my familial interactions between primarily my mom, dad, sister and I.

Person to Person

Communication; women speaking to women, women speaking to men, men speaking to women, men speaking to men, the nonverbal cues, the gestures. Why is this even a topic of conversation or of a blog? Are the differences between men and women’s conversation style so different as to warrant study after study, article after article, word after word? Absolutely. Through my experiences in communicating with men and women, observing communication between men and women, and even seeing stereotypical interactions of the genders within the media and how they represent men and women, and laughing because to a point, it is right on.
It is an interesting thought; men and women don’t necessarily communicate differently because of their body chemistry differences, but because of the interactions they had growing up. In Sex, Lies and Conversation by Deborah Tannen, she states this very thought. She says the communication styles are “cross-cultural.” Also in her article Men and Women Talking on the Job she reiterates this thought to say misunderstandings are caused by “differences in conversation style.” By recognizing and understanding that only can conflicts that arise due to the communication styles between the genders be addressed and are more likely to be adjusted so that each person has a better understanding of the others wants and needs. This can be especially true for marriages. In a few articles the idea of what each partner wants out of one another is a difference in communication style, communication being a very large factor in leading to a 50% divorce rate in this country.
In my own examples I have noticed that’s some of the statements in Tannens’ articles seem true and others do not seem to apply. This could be due to the fact that I think she is addressing only the “typical” conversation styles” and the men and women throughout my life have been anything but that.
For example, growing up, I ALWAYS had a best friend who was a boy, always. I think only now is it that things have changed. I remember them so well too. Tommy Benet and Brandon Burton in elementary school, then I moved to New Jersey where it became Mike Benet (no relation, I swear), then Mike Melody in middle school, and in high school they became Rob Anderson and Emmanuel Suarez. All this time I had best girlfriends.
I find it interesting that I did “do” a lot with the boys. As Tannen states, boys show there levels of friendship by doing. I would play elaborate games of x-men with Tommy (I know, I was a unique little kid) or played in the pool, or man hunt, or jump on the trampoline, or just cause trouble in “the hood.” I find it very interesting that despite the fact that I did a lot of activities with those boys, that we talked a lot. Honestly, there is one thing that I found to connect to them all. The fact that they had all troubled home lives in one way or another. One had no mom, one had an abusive mom, one had an abusive step father, and one had a father who was very critical of him. I think because of those instances, the fact that we “did” so much together and maybe it was the idea of me being a girl (who knows) but they were all able to open up to me unlike they had to anyone one before. I’ll never forget sitting on a trampoline with one of them and him telling me all these personal things and the fact that he said that he’s “never even told [his] mom.”
In these cases these boys seemed to go with and against Tannen’s idea. We were more active than I was, say with a girlfriend, but we spoke much more often than I feel she lets on in her articles. Although, it may be interesting to find them now and try to have a conversation with them, in that token, maybe age plays a big part in gender interactions.
Though I do have guys who are pretty close friends now, (I have managed to stay friends with Emmanuel) things just get so complicated as you age. The innocence in male-female relationships is, I feel, almost completely lost. I thought I had a best guy friend here. We would speak to one another about anything and everything along with doing things together. But in a way I feel like our friendship was based around this undertone of feelings for one another. When nothing really happened in that area, he seemed to drop me like a hot cake and now has a girlfriend, and I never see and barely speak to him. Why is it this way? It doesn’t seem to me that when girls have boyfriends they drop all their guy friends, but vice versa, guys become MIA. Perhaps a boy in the class might reply and help me to better understand.
I think in both friendships and relationships between members of the same and opposite gender need to better communicate what they want. Whether it be more eye contact, more or less verbal cues that they are listening like “yes,” “hmm,” and “uh-huh” and what makes them feel validated. The key to any communication I feel is the concept of validation. If you don’t feel validated you most likely don’t want to be around that person, plain and simple. Communicating what makes you feel that way and that there is a connection shouldn’t matter between genders. But the method of expressing those feelings and how often you express them may depend more upon which gender you are trying to communicate that to and how often.

"I Won't Back Down"

This class just plain astounds me. I have never, ever, had a class that seems to correlate so directly with my everyday life. I have so recently come to the point where I have seriously thought about “cleaning house,” but not just cleaning house, cleaning the whole damn state of New Jersey, but then thought, why stop there? Why not clean the world? Before I continue I would like to just like to say that I have already begun crying; (I have what, written four sentences)? This topic is so relevant in my life that I am having such a hard time trying to even start, I mean where in the world do I begin?

I guess I could begin with the idea of “self-disclosure,” I am not a good self discloser, plain and simple. Issues that I feel or are relevant to me, or upset me I would much rather tuck away and forget about, but as we all know, that is impossible. By tucking away, storing and essentially hiding my feelings I have slowly begun to crack, and now I am like a damn waiting to flood the world. This is very very scary for me and my family. I have recently, very recently come home (I’m here now) for the first time in months (I remained at school over the summer to work at the information desk).

Over the past few months there has been some serious things going on in my life, which honestly I am choosing not to disclose because I do not wish to share this part of myself with the class. Needless to say, I came home to go to a wedding and sat my kitchen table with my parents who basically let me have it. Not in a negative way, but who basically told me that they have seen me transform since about April into someone they have never seen. I used to always be so happy, positive, upbeat and let things slide off my back and now I am so stressed and worn down that they are worried.

Basically, without naming names, or giving too much information away, to remain at least partially disclosed I am upset with a core group of people. People, who I thought were my friends, who I am surrounded by, and who I have disclosed enormous amounts of information to over the past few years here at Rider. I don’t know what has happened over the past few months but I have discovered that they are the most cruel-hearted, selfish, hurtful, lying people I have ever encountered in all my existence. Perhaps it is that I feel this way because overtime they showed little elements of themselves that are like that and I chose not to confront them about it, but let it absorb into my soul, where it has festered and lay dormant only to not come out for revenge (intense I know).

It has come to the point where the teapot is steaming, over flowing and boiling onto the counter, if you know what I am saying. But instead of focusing my anger on these people and letting them know how I feel, I am quiet, sullen, and slightly cold towards almost everyone. And instead of disclosing these feelings out of now, fear of my reaction, instead of theirs I still have yet to let these people know what I think of their behavior towards others and myself.

There is a peer-reviewed conference paper called Argumentativeness and verbal aggressiveness: Type of argument as a situational constrain by A. J. Johnson that basically states that arguments in interpersonal relationships can be divided into two types: public issue arguments and personal issue arguments. Arguing over topics such as politics, a public issue argument can be very different than arguing over topics such as cleaning the house, a personal issue argument. It was a study that study examined argument type as a situational constraint on argumentative and verbally aggressive behavior. In it both men and women reported higher amounts of argumentative behavior in the public issue argument. Women reported higher amounts of verbally aggressive behavior in the personal issue argument, but men did not report significantly different levels of verbally aggressive behavior in either type of argument. Implications for the study of argumentativeness and verbal aggressiveness in personal relationships are discussed.

I find it interesting that private and public arguments are in two separate categories in the study, because in my world nothing is private, and perhaps that’s why I choose to keep it to myself. If I decide to tell one person anything the whole damn world (or I guess in such a smaller perspective my world, which may as well be the whole world to me) seems to know about it. Nothing seems to be sacred with the majority of people that I surround myself with, which seems to contradict everything I have ever advocated, which is privacy and being honest.

I know, that for my own sanity I need to clean house, but how to do this I have no idea. Needless to say it is going to be a big sweep!!!!! I am at the point where I know that I am strong enough and wise enough to decipher who and what is worth my time and energy. I truly know that the people who I will be cutting out of my life are in for a rude awakening. It saddens me but, I just emotionally and physically can not deal with them anymore, plain and simple. It is going to be a shock to most but at this point, I should have learned with high school, that in a few months most of these people will not be in my life unless I want them to be, but for the remainder of the time, I honestly cannot and will not deal. I refuse to let them stomp on me, bring me down. They can talk about me all they want to each and every person they contact with because at this point, as Tom Petty says “I won’t back down."

Tom Petty’s: I Won’t Back Down lyrics, they are a very valid and different way to explain and express my feelings of the situation at the moment.

Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down

No I'll stand my ground, won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from draggin me down
gonna stand my ground
... and I won't back down

Chorus:
(I won't back down...)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(and I won't back down...)
hey I will stand my ground
and I won't back down

Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I'll stand my ground
...and I won't back down

(I won't back down...)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(and I won't back down...)
hey I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
and I won't back down...

(I won't back down...)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(I won't back down)
hey I won't back down
(and I won't back down)
hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(and I won't back down)
hey I will stand my ground
(and I won't back down)
and I won't back down
(I won't back down)
No I won't back down...

Here is also a selection by Kalidasa which I felt was inspirational and encouraging for those who may also be having a hard time cleaning house.
Listen to the Exhortation of the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Action,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a Dream,
And To-morrow is only a Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of Happiness,
And every Tomorrow a Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this Day!
Such is the Salutation of the Dawn!

You can tell alot about a person when they are afraid.

I agree in the idea that I, along with most, am selective in my perceptions and the methods I use in engaging my emotions; taking responsibility for them and logically displaying them as appropriate (according to the environment and people in my own audience). However, I truly do not believe that I engage in the same level of “logically displaying” emotions that most people do. I am going to make the claim that I am hyper-sensitive in that arena, especially in the areas of the heart. This is especially true when issues concerning my family and friends arise. In many ways I feel that “logically displaying” your emotions (especially when emotions such as anger, disappointment, love, disgust, fear and happiness) are running through your veins like streams of lava is nearly impossible. This is the case for myself; a strong, outspoken, and incredibly passionate and naturally dramatic person. When I am experiencing an emotion it is like a wave that takes over my body, it is as if instincts take over and those emotions are running the show.

There is a particular instance, a true story that actually happened recently, that best explains what I mean about something inside me, not necessarily logical thinking taking over and controlling a particular situation. About two weeks ago I had an extremely busy day. I left my room at eleven o’clock in the morning, only to return past midnight. I worked, ate dinner, had ran a (in which I am a director) rehearsal, two meetings back to back with different people, then ran an Alpha Psi Omega meeting in which I am President. This is important to note because my roommate is a cast member in the show and a member of Alpha Psi. When I left that morning, she was asleep; I called her that evening to get dinner (and left her a voicemail) and by the time I went to rehearsal that night, I had not seen or spoken to her. Then she didn’t come to rehearsal, this not being like her, I assumed something really important must have come up or I did not get my conflict sheet correctly, and when the stage manager called her she got her voicemail; I thought “I’ll ask her at Alpha Psi.” When she did not show up for that, I thought “something must be wrong, this is really out of character, to miss two important meetings, to not pick up her phone or answer text messages, something must have happened; I’ll talk to her when I get back to the room.”

When I arrived to my room and she wasn’t there I became nervous, very nervous. Actually I don’t think there is a good enough adjective to explain how that nervousness grew into a gut wrenching fear. I found a note from her on my desk saying that her parents were in Las Vegas and she was “going home for a few,” not knowing when the note was written I had no idea when she left. Not knowing exactly what to do, with time passing and continuingly calling her only to get her voicemail I grew even more anxious. One of my roommates uncles’ was a cop in South Jersey, so she offered to call him to see if any reports had been filed about an accident in that area. He hadn’t heard of anything and suggested we call her house, the local police department by her house and near our school. Not having her home phone number, we Googled her last name and town. Looked in her drawer to try to find her sister’s number and came across their address. Then I continued to call her home phone. When she didn’t pick up there, I thought the absolute worst.

It was now after one in the morning and all these horrible scenarios of her in the car and getting into an accident flooded my mind. I decided to then call Rider security to see if her car was on campus, hospitals, the Alloway state police department, the Deptford local police, the Lawrenceville police department, anything in route between Rider and her house. It wasn’t until I spoke to the police that I became, I’m going to say almost hysterical. I and six of my roommates, and one of their boyfriends were calling anyone and everyone. My main reason for concern was the fact that 1) it was not like her to be late, let alone not show up to something and 2) for her not to pick up the phone or the very least text me and 3) I was the only one she would have really contacted; my roles as director of the show she missed rehearsal for, President of the meeting she missed and clearly, her roommate left me as her number one contact person. If she never contacted me, there really wasn’t anyone else she would have contacted.

The police dispatchers were very helpful, but when they asked me particular questions, it all became too real, too strenuous, and too emotional and that is when I broke. Until I spoke to the police I was the most calm, logical, rational one of the bunch. Until I spoke to the police I was in control. Once the realization of what was occurring and could have potentially happened hit, I damn near lost it.

In Putting Your Emotions To Work, by Sylvia Bushell she describes anxiety, one of the storngest emotions I was feeling at that time. She claimed that being emotionally intelligent is "not only managing anxiety but understanding the message that anxiety gives." She defines anxiety as a reaction which "tells us we are uncertain about what is to come."

In that situation, an extreme circumstance, where emotions were raw and tensions were high I feel there was no “logical” or “appropriate” way to act and clearly no “management” of emotions, no matter how “emotionally intelligent” I may be or how I scored on my EQ test. This does seem to contrast with Bushell's claim that "everyone has the capacity to manage their emotions." In the case of what I consider an emergency, there was no thought process, no "management" only instinctive actions. In my mind there was no “audience” despite the fact that I was surrounded by roommates and eventually police, it was only me, myself, I and utter desperation and fear.

I am relived to say what eventually had happened was I got into contact with her (at two o’clock in the morning) through a mutual friend and she had locked her keys, purse and phone in her trunk while she went home and stopped by this friend’s house on her way back to Rider. Believe it or not, when I found out that she was ok was my absolute breaking point. The flow of emotions, the “lava” I referred to before erupted from every orifice and thus I became, what looked like a basket case. As a side note, I would just like to say that I have no regrets in what I had done because not only did all the girls I live with realize we don’t emergency contact information for each other, but god forbid something did happen, I believe in my heart, I did the right thing; whether or not I was “carried away” by my emotions and passionate personality. And all in despite the fact that I am mocked about what happened still today by others, I really couldn’t care less what anyone thinks. I care about my roommate and her safety and I would do the same and react the same way if anyone I cared for I thought was in danger or harmed.

(I finally figured out how to post a picture so up top is a picture of my roomate Agggg (Andrea) and I.)

Success is happiness as happiness is success as...whoa!

Success, being successful, having success, trying to succeed; these concepts all have so many meanings to people. The idea or the concept of success is so individualistic, so personal, that although there are textbook definitions such as “an event that accomplishes its intended purpose” or “a state of prosperity or fame;” it is without limits to most. Thinking outside the box, you could ask “as success in what?”- family, money, job, status, survival, anything really. By asking that question the answer truly is infinite, no bounds and is not the same for each person if one by one people were asked.

For myself; what do I perceive as successful? Well, I believe you can have success and achieve success and fail at success in numerous areas of your life. I refuse to believe there is anyone who is just plain, labeled, the end, successful or not successful. In my opinion everyone is successful is one way or another and unsuccessful in certain areas of their life. If I were to elaborate on this point I could argue that then that means success could be based on happiness or money, career choice or status, family or friends. I consider myself is multiple areas, friends and family, my career choice and status within them because I worked hard and was able to achieve my personal best. Even if I wasn’t high ranking in my job or had “status,” I’d still consider myself successful in those arenas because at least I had a job in general. And I’m not saying people who do not, say, have a job, are not successful; they can be just in other ways. If they don’t have a job and are as pleased as punch doing whatever else it is that they are doing, then by all means, another “success story.”

I choose to look at success for myself as being goal driven, hard working, honest and happy. If I work my ass off (excuse the French) to get an A in a class, give it all I have and then more, didn’t cheat, worked well with others, had fun and got something out of the class and left with a B-, then I’d genuinely still consider myself a success… in some ways. Actually, this probably isn’t a very good example, I’d be pretty upset with a B- and would consider my grade not successful (for myself, I aim high when it comes to grades) but I consider having that as an experience and a learning tool as successful and knowing that if I worked that hard and only got a B-, imagine what I would have gotten if I just went through the motions. That’s a pretty successful performance.

I guess at this point most of you may be thinking of me as an optimist and boy is that true. I mean there isn’t much that bothers me or I complain about. And I truly do always try to find the bright side of everything, even successes in side what others may deem failures. In regards to the question asking: “to what extent would you give something up in order to be more successful?” I would truly give up personal happiness so that someone I love could be successful, if I felt it was best, because that would then make me happy, and it would even out for me in the end. But for example, if my husband thought in order for our family to succeed you need to stay home with the kids. Although that would make him happy, for myself, I could not do that for a long period of time. For my own personal happiness and fulfillment I will sacrifice myself, my body, my time, my passions, my drives to a point. But there does come a point when I would absolutely realize a say “look, I need happiness and personal fulfillment, if you think the kids need more time with a parent at home, feel free, I got goals and dreams and I won’t stop until I succeed.” Whatever that success means, even if I just succeed in trying I succeeded.

Can success be contagious, to a point yes. You can achieve a high status in a job and take a colleague with you, but if that isn’t their drive or passion or where they truly want to be, then its only really a success for yourself. I think the drive for success is extremely contagious however. My parents are the hardest working people as far as I know in the world. They just wish to succeed. I consider them successes as parents because they want to give what my sister and I. What I want from them is love, security and support and I’ve got it. As far as their roles as individuals I know they want more. More money, more security, more adventure, more laughs, less stress, but knowing them, they’ll work until they achieve it. They have come so far, and in interviewing them I have learned more about trials, struggles and what hard work can give you then I care to share. But believe me when I say, they are successes in many more ways then one.

My personal view of success is so closely related to happiness that I almost feel as if I want to call them synonyms for one another. They could almost work interchangeably in my personal concept of what I deem as success and probably has throughout this blog. And after reading What Is Success? by Ralph Waldo Emerson; I feel as if my concept of success was presented best through his words. Notice the word “money” was never once spoken. This is his poem:

To laugh often and much

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children

To earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends

To appreciate beauty

To find the best in others

To give of one's self

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition

To have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived

This is to have succeeded.

This is indeed my concept of success as well. There is a great example of a "success story" within pop culture and this person stands out in my mind as well as in many people’s (I’m sure) and that person is Oprah. I’m not mentioning her because she has billions, or that she is the head of multiple company’s and hundreds upon hundreds of employees, or that she could buy her own country if she wanted to. But I feel she is one of the greatest successes known to us all. She was able to overcome personal battles and go after what she wanted. She followed her dream, all by being herself, making herself and others happy, and doing this all in a non-conventional way. Clearly she’s not the typical successful white male with two children and white picked fence. She is s single adult African America women with no children, no husband, class, morals, values, and a work ethic that won’t quit who seems happy and continues evolving her goals to meet her needs as time goes on. Now that is a success to me. And believe me I would have loved to have interviewed her.

Can you identify me?

In order to describe yourself in 500 words, I believe you need to know yourself significantly well. I am tempted to make the argument that, some people think they know themselves and others, but I truly feel that people never know their entire selves as they are always changing, evolving, interacting, learning, teaching and growing. As to who I am, I'm not really sure, and I continue to learn and be taught everyday and looking forward to surprising myself everyday when I wake up.
I do know the logistics for sure, however. I know that I am the oldest child and granddaughter in my family. As of right now, I could graduate Rider Magna Cum Loude, which is beyond an honor because I will be the first in my family to graduate from College (and in many cases, many of them never made it through high school). It is my family as my strong support system that makes me the woman I am today. I was always taught and encouraged to speak my mind, be a leader and not a follower (unless I'm following my heart), and work hard.
I cherish my family and close friends more than I could ever put down in words.
Sometimes, I am stubborn and I do like things done my way, but only because I truly feel like its the best way, which it necessarily always isn't, clearly becuase one person isn't correct, though if that was the case, that person would be me. I'm just kidding. I like to take care of people but deep down wish to be taken care of. I am alot of talk sometimes, and incredibly passionate when I do so, but sometimes I am a big chicken and don't necessarily follow through with what I want or say what I really want to out of fear. Although, at this point it is getting better- but there is always room for improvement in that area.
As far as the future is concerned, I have no idea what I want or to expect. As far as I know, the only thing I truly wish to obtain in my lifetime is happiness. I plan on doing whatever I want at the time to achieve it. I don't plan on living ordinarily and have dreams. I plan on writing a memoir one day title The Day I Found Out My Parents Smoke Weed, long story. Not to mention, I am a quote person, my favorite and my sort-of montra is "you are the author of your own novel." Oh, and my favorite thing to do in the whole world is laugh and I think almost anything is funny. As far as relating communication and this class to this first identity blog, all I can say is that I believe it is the interactions that you have with people around you, whether you know them or not, and your reactions to what transpired that makes you who you are.